Yiddish, for those who understand it, is an extremely expressive language which conveys, often in a most graphic manner, a range of emotions suited to any particular situation.

Surveying the landscape after last week’s FARKAKTE agreement giving Iran a green light to cheat its way to a nuclear arsenal, I decided to employ some Yiddish expressions which beautifully describe the Alice in Wonderland world we are currently facing.

For the benefit of readers whose understanding of Yiddish is poor or non existent, I have provided a glossary at the end with English explanations of the words used. I should however point out that translations cannot really do full justice to the Yiddish expressions so you will need to use a bit of imagination.

Putting the final seal of approval on Munich Mark 2, the UN Security Council, chaired by New Zealand’s Foreign Minister, endorsed the deal by a unanimous vote of 15 to 0. Reading the triumphant remarks of the FARBLONDZHET delegates afterwards it is easy to see how the Iranians successfully OPKEFLIKT them. The representative of the USA asserted that implementation is everything and he said this with a straight face even as everyone knows how North Korea implemented nothing and that Iran is going to do the same. This did not stop the UK delegate from proclaiming that this agreement “now allows Iran to take its true responsibility as a Middle Eastern Power.” Not to be outdone the ambassador of Venezuela, that bastion of freedom and human rights, demanded that the UN enforce solutions to the Israel/Palestine conflict.

On cue, immediately following this display of amazing NARISHKEIT, it was announced that the European Union, that resolute band of SHNOOKS, was convening to push forward with their own fatally flawed plans for Israel’s capitulation. Never mind that the barbarity convulsing the Arab & Moslem world has nothing to do with Israel and that the EU faces its own serious crises, it seems that the main and overriding obsession with Israel trumps everything else.

That is exactly how FARMISHED all these people are.

A startling revelation came to light a few days ago. In a hitherto conveniently overlooked portion of the agreement it has been revealed that the signatories will train Iran to defend its nuclear facilities from cyber sabotage. It needs to be recognized that as far as the USA, UK, France, Germany, Russia, China, the EU and all other cheer leaders are concerned, all these nuclear sites, overt and covert, are in fact civilian facilities. In other words, in the eyes of everyone but Israel, still secret underground sites and others only recently uncovered, are all peaceful oases of nuclear research and benign development. None of them apparently have any military significance. That is why Article 10 on Page 142, stipulates that the signatories to the deal will train Iranians how to thwart any sort of sabotage. The countries most threatened initially at least by the Iranian march to the bomb (Israel, Saudi Arabia, Egypt and the Gulf States) will have their ability to cripple this looming monster, severely curtailed. Neither Obama, Kerry nor their willing partners have so far explained how this duplicitous piece of NARISHKEIT advances the cause of regional peace and stability. It can only be described as a SHANDE.

The ink is hardly dry on this fatally flawed deal concocted by those described in Yiddish as FANTAZYER and already the Iranians are saying ALLE ZIBEN GLICKEN. Here are a few of the latest examples of what we can expect as the weeks roll by.

In response to the German Vice Chancellor’s request that Iran must recognize Israel’s existence, the Iranian Foreign Ministry responded that the Germans will not change the Islamic Republic’s policy towards the Zionist enemy.

The Iranian Defense Minister: “we will not allow international inspectors to enter military sites.”

The head of the Revolutionary Guards: “the UN resolution is unacceptable and clearly in contradiction of Iran’s red lines.”

The Supreme Leader’s Foreign Affairs advisor: “international inspectors will not be allowed to visit covert sites.”

Iran’s chief negotiator: “Iran is allowed to produce nuclear capable missiles.”

The Supreme Leader: “Iran will not give up support of its friends in the region. The oppressed people of Palestine, Yemen, Bahrain and the Governments of Syria & Iraq plus the sincere resistance fighters of Palestine & Lebanon will continue to receive our support. Our policy will not change with regards to the arrogant US.”

Iran’s Deputy Foreign Minister: “we told the negotiators that Iran’s missile weapons’ capabilities are out of bounds.”

In the face of these direct challenges, it is instructive to listen to the responses of the SHLEMIELS and SHMENDRICKS who negotiated it.

If you thought that there would be a chorus of condemnations and alarm, A NECHTIKER TOG. Continuing to assert that nothing is amiss, all concerned blather meaningless NARISHKEIT. Our own home-grown NAHRS believe that we are on the threshold of a new and improved Middle East (Naomi Chazan of New Israel Fund fame).

From John Kerry: “the Iranian Supreme Leader’s continued statements to defy the US are very disturbing. I don’t know how to interpret it at this point in time. I know that often comments are made publicly and things can evolve that are different. If it’s policy, it’s very disturbing, it’s very troubling.”

From Barak Obama: “this deal offers a smarter and more responsible way to protect our national security.”

In the face of these banalities and an eagerness to embrace any mirage no amount of logic will sway those who do not want to be convinced by the hard cold light of reality. ES VET HELFEN VIA A TOITEN BAHNKES or putting it another way GORNISHT HELFEN.

If something is so rotten that it stinks to high heaven the only remedy is to throw it in the garbage can and start all over again before it becomes a total KAPPORE. In other words this FARSHTUNKEN piece of appeasement is worthless and a threat to all who value human rights and freedom.


  • FARBLONDZHET = lost, confused, bewildered.
  • FARKAKTE = something you are likely to step on when walking in a field of cows.
  • OPKEFLIKT = suckered
  • NARISHKEIT = foolishness
  • SHNOOKS = gullible suckers
  • FARMISHED = befuddled
  • SHANDE = shame, disgrace
  • FANTAZYER = someone who builds castles in the air
  • ALLE ZIBEN GLICKEN = not what it’s cracked up to be
  • SHLEMIEL AND SHMENDRIK = inept bunglers
  • A NECHTIKER TOG = forget it
  • NAHR = fool
  • ES VET HELFEN VIA A TOITEN BAHNKES = no way will it help
  • GORNISHT HELFEN = nothing will help
  • KAPPORE = catastrophe
  • FARSHTUNKEN = smells bad, stinks.

Michael Kuttner is a Jewish New Zealander who for many years was actively involved with various communal organisations connected to Judaism and Israel. He now lives in Israel where he is J-Wire’s correspondent.   

Farblondzhet…writes Michael Kuttner